The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered at the
Watson Research Center. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has
no protons or electrons and so has an atomic number of 0. However, it does
have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice-neutrons and 111 assistant
vice-neutrons. This gives it an atomic weight of 312. These 312 particles
are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange
of meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, the Administratium is inert. However, it can
be chemically detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes
into contact. According to its discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium
caused one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally
occur in less than a second.

The Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years,
at which time it does not decay but, instead, undergoes a reorganization
in which assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons and assistant vice-neutrons exchange
places. Some studies have already shown that the atomic weight actually
increases after each reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that the Administratium develops
naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such
as governments, large corporations and universities. It will most often
be found in the newest, best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that the Administratium is known to be toxic at any
level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where
it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how the
Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results
to date are not promising.