Think it over
Let’s explore anger
Abstract
Through surrender, simple steps can be taken to learn to live from moment to moment. This will empower us to handle our anger in a much better way and make our life a celebration.
Anger is an expression of non-acceptance or resistance towards What was or What is or What Will Be.
Let’s go deeper and ask ourselves:
• Do we have any control over what was by getting angry?
• Do we have any control over what is by getting angry?
• Do we have any control over what will be by getting angry?
To me, the answer is No to all three questions. Then why am I getting angry?
Because there is a habitual pattern in our conditioning over the years which makes us believe that by getting angry we are safeguarding ourselves. In fact our ego becomes stronger as it feeds on this anger. Our basic conditioning doesn’t allow us to respond to our life-situations. Anger is one form of reaction which doesn’t allow the situation to get better. On the contrary, it adds more misery to the situation.
Let’s go further and deeper to analyse how we can change the conditioning of our reactions although these patterns may have been in us for many years.
The first step is to catch ourselves when we are angry instead of labelling ourselves as bad because we know we shouldn’t get angry. Just be aware of the fact that we are angry and accept unconditionally our state of being at that moment and, once this acceptance is established, there will be a shift in our consciousness, and with this shift of consciousness we can analyse what angered us.
If it was something to do with the past, we can simply tell ourselves that the past is over and that it doesn’t have any power over us at the present moment unless we give the past permission to overpower our present.
Pause and be with this feeling for some time and then observe the shift.
If we are angry with ourselves for something not done right in the past, think for a moment. Since that time, on how many occasions have we become angry at ourselves for our past behaviour and has anything changed for the better in our lives by being angry? In fact it’s only damaging our own self-worth.
Ask yourself if it is wise to get angry over your past behaviour. If you hear No, then ask yourself: what do I do with this anger or habitual thought-pattern? The best answer is just to release ourselves from the self-blame game, realising it doesn’t serve our life. Once you decide to release yourself from your past, with a deeper understanding, tell yourself, “I am sorry to be so judgmental, angry and hard on you, knowing you did your best at that point of time.” Understand that no one comes into this world with a manual. We all fall and learn and again fall and learn until we finally learn that lesson fully for which we have taken birth.
Now, when we accept ourselves unconditionally the way we are, we tell ourselves that it is okay to make mistakes and move forward in life and also allow others in our life to move forward with ease and acceptance so that we can experience joy and love in our lives.
When we unconditionally accept ourselves, we extend this understanding to others and imagine, as we all do so, that life becomes more enriching and beautiful and we start responding harmoniously to life.
Anger originates from fear and when we accept life without resistance and flow with life, in trust, all fear disappears. Fear is becoming rampant on the planet. We can see it every day in the news, social media, etc. Fear is a lack of trust in ourselves and because of this we don’t trust life. Anger is fear that has become a defence mechanism.
The urge to control the present and the future drops as soon as we unconditionally accept the present moment and surrender to the Now. This surrender to the Now makes us flow with life and respond to our life-situations.
This is not just philosophy but it is a fact that we all are capable of living in the Now. Of course, practice is the only key to arriving in this state of consciousness. One of the practices I suggest is to stop re-evaluating our fearful situations in our minds and love ourselves through the fear. Every experience, every situation and every relationship is the mirror of a mental pattern that we have inside of us.
Surrender is a purely inner phenomenon. It is to relinquish inner resistance to What Is. Surrender does not mean to cease taking action to change the situation at the outer level. When you accept the ‘Isness’ of the present moment your actions taken are a response to life rather than a reaction to life. Such actions are far more effective than the reactive actions. Surrender reconnects us to our true nature and life becomes a celebration.
Sumit Bajoria is a businessman and practising life-coach, currently based in Mumbai, India.
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